Brushing Up On Our ABC’s
BRUSHING UP ON OUR ABC’s
“And if thy brother sin against thee, go, show him his fault between thee and him alone: if he hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. But if he hear thee not, take with thee one or two more, that at the mouth of two witnesses or three every word may be established.” – Matthew 18:15-16 ASV
In these two sentences, we find, in very simple terms, the godly way to handle conflict. It may be simple to understand, but it goes against what our tendency is to do as human beings. When we are offended by someone, we will talk about what happened to just about everyone and anyone, EXCEPT the one we are supposed to talk to — the one who offended us.
It’s like being in third grade all over again. Person “A” offends person “B.” Instead of “B” confronting “A” in love for the purpose of reconciliation, “B” instead goes to person “C” for comfort and emotional and strategic support. If “A” is unrepentant and catches wind that “B” is seeking comfort from “C”, “A” may also go to “C,” sharing THEIR side of the story, or to “D.” When “A” goes to person “D” and “B” goes to “C,” that is how wars begin. Uninvolved parties who were not present for the initial conflict take sides and bitterness and division grow deeper and mutate into hatred.
Why do we want to go to anyone, but the person we biblically should address? I believe it is, because we don’t want to forgive, and gossiping makes us feel supported in our position and strengthened by that support. Then the support helps us to justify both not forgiving and giving into feelings of anger and bitterness. In some cases, if we will be honest, we also want to attention a victim receives. Why would we go to the one we just argued with and rehash all of those feelings when we can be soothed and garner sympathy by whispering our troubles to a friend?
When we do, we are falling prey to a tactic of the enemy whose goal is to kill, steal and destroy (Jn 10:10). The enemy delights in destroying friendships. He particularly relishes watching a marriage or family implode. Imagine how he must be enjoying watching our country self destruct! This should make our blood boil when we realize, that while another human being may have offended us, the author of the conflict is not the other person, but the devil. We were simply used as pawns, “For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.” – Ephesians 6:12.
The enemy sets us up to be one another’s punching bags. We become emotionally bloodied, while he sits on the sidelines unscathed with a wide, sickening grin on his face. Get angry! But not at one another. Get angry at the author of wars, hatred, anger, misunderstanding, disease, death and grief!
So, what should we do instead? When we are offended, quickly take it to God. Ask the Lion of the Tribe of Judah, Christ Jesus within you, to strengthen you to help you to forgive. The more quickly we forgive, the easier it will be. The converse is also true. The longer we wait to forgive, the harder it will be.
Forgiveness is a choice, not a feeling. Make an executive decision to forgive. Every time the feelings come back up to the surface, we should remind ourselves that the debt has been forgiven, just as Jesus has forgiven us when we didn’t deserve forgiveness. Don’t drag around offenses. They only serve to burden us and hold us back.
Then, follow the wise counsel of Matthew 18. Prayerfully, with a heart of forgiveness and a goal of reconciliation, we approach the offender in love. “A” together with “B” should take the issue before “G” (GOD). If the person doesn’t respond, we should take two or three others with a heart to see reconciliation with us, and try again.
What if we are the offender? We need to quickly humble ourselves and ask for forgiveness. Make restitution if necessary. Being a godly adult means we take responsibility for our actions and don’t try to place blame on others.
Lastly, what if we are “C”– the person an offended person goes to in order to gossip? As soon as we recognize what is going on – the person is attempting to share gossip, it is our responsibility to shut it down. It is our role to pray and to point them back to the person who offended them and to God. Do not become embroiled in foolish controversies (Titus 3:9). Once people realize we have firm standards and are not party to gossip, we may receive fewer phone calls or have fewer whispered conversations in our day, but we will have a lot more peace!
Father, I bring the dear one who is reading this before you. It is so easy for us to get sucked up in the vortex of drama and conflict. It strokes our ego and an ungodly hunger within us to be privy to secrets and watch the brutality of conflict. But it is like getting between two dogs fighting to the death. We are sure to be bitten. Help us to earn a reputation for not being a gossip. Help us to earn the reputation for being peacemakers who receive Your blessing (Matt 5:9). We ask for more of Jesus within us, and the work of the Holy Spirit who brings forth a harvest of spiritual fruits. In that fruitfulness, we ask for control over our actions and our tongues, that we would confront sin in godly ways, but not offend in our fleshly ways. Help us to be wise and quick to forgive, remembering the wretch we were and the forgiveness we received, that we neither earned nor deserved. Help us to be like Jesus and die to our own selfish desires and take up our cross. And give us courage to go against the current of our culture, turning a deaf ear to gossip and , instead, taking on a heart that pursues forgiveness and reconciliation, that we might receive a keen ear toward Heaven and know peace. In Jesus Name ❤️
Dear friend, being party to gossip isn’t really being a good friend. A good friend points a person involved in conflict toward resolution and reconciliation. A good friend does not elongate their agony or join in with their attempt at character assassination of the other person. A truly good friend wants to see them free from the pain and burden that come from harboring unforgiveness and resentment. When we say, “No” to gossip and “Yes” to forgiving, we become true adults who can be entrusted with more of God treasure. Why not ask the Father to help you to grow in this area? 💡
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